Marriage is special worship, compared to others that require time, such as prayer, starting from takbiratul ihram and ending with salam, or fasting, starting from dawn to sunset. Marriage is not bound by a time, starting from when a person is married to the end of life.
In this very, very long period, it is sure that ripples, waves, and storms will hit the household.
Therefore it is necessary to nourish and prepare before someone start this household carefully,
There is a saying.
“Man arofa bu’das safari ista’adda”.
“Whoever knows the distance of the journey must be ready."
Not a few households that finally sank.
Therefore, don’t ever cross in your mind that marriage will solve all problems.
“Marriage is a level of life where the higher the level of life will increases the problem automatically."
Marriage is one of the signs of Allah’s power among the other signs of Allah’s power, QS Ar-Ruum verse 31, other signs of Allah’s power include the creation of heaven and earth, different ways of speaking or languages and lahjah,
The difference in skin color is found in QS Ar-Ruum verse 22, thunder which causes both fear and hope, and the rain, which enlivens the earth after its death (aridity). There are two signs of God’s power: the quraaniyyah verse and the kauniyyah verse (a sign of God’s power in the universe).
Therefore, whenever facing children and husband behaviors, never be negligent or forget that this marriage is worship.
WHO IS YOUR SOULMATE?
The formula from Allah is in Surah An-Nur verse 26
A good man will be married to a good woman, a good woman will marry a good man. On the other hand, a vile man will be married to a despicable woman, and a despicable woman will marry a despicable man.
Asbabun Nuzul this verse is an event Hadithul Ifky (news lies) where Aisyah RA was accused of cheating on the companions named Shofwan bin Muaththol.
Here’s a glimpse of the story.
When on the way home from a war, and rest Aisha RA who happened to be with the Prophet, her necklace was lost or fell, and then she returned to look for the necklace without telling the companions
While Aisha left, the group that brought Aisyah, lifted it and continued their journey. They did not expect even if they lifted without her in it,
Until several mufassir explained how light Aisyah RA’s body was, to the point that the companions who brought her could not distinguish between the presence and absence of Aisyah above that slight.
When Aisha returned after finding her necklace, to her surprise because the group had left, Aisha remained in the place, hoping the group would return after feeling they lost her.
Aisyha RA was sleepy for a long time until she fell asleep, waking up because she heard istirja (reading inna lillahi wa inna ilaihi rojiun).
One of the companions was named Shofwan bin Muaththol As Sulami Adz-dzakwany. Without a word, he lowered his mounts, then moved away, and after Aisyah got on, he led her mounts back to the city of Medina. After this incident, the Muslims were in an uproar over the rumors that occurred in the community
They accused Aisha of having an affair with Shofwan, then this verse came down as their rebuttal and as a direct release of Aisha from Allah Subhanahu wa ta’ala in the form of a verse that Muslims always read until the end of time. A prophet can’t be matched with an adulterous woman.
Then what are the efforts or tips for a girl to get a saleh husband? Lots of selfies on social media, lots of friendships with the opposite sex on social media. Or what?
The tips are none other than that of constantly improving yourself by studying the syar’i sciences, so you understand the laws of Islam, also learn adab, ta’dib so that you always adorn with akhlaqul karimah.
We have to emphasize Akhlaq. Why? Because after someone is married, what will always be visible and highlighted is this side of morality.
How many Muslim sisters are gorgeous, their brains are also quite clever, graduates of well-known Islamic educational institutions, but very unfortunate their relationship with their parents-is-law is not good enough, they can’t get along, etc. Cases like these are quite a lot we heard. Maybe Muslims who got married listened to a couple of stories like these.
What Kufu means? How important Kufu is this a standard reference for someone in finding a life partner?
Kufu in Arabic means balanced or equivalent.
There are several opinions on the matter Kufu
1.Kufu is only in the scope of iman and taqwa
QS Al-Hujurat verse 13
From Al-Hadith “Idzaa jaakum man tardhouna diahu wa khuluqohu fankihuu tsalaatsa marrootin”
This khithob is addressed to parents when a man proposes, while his religion and morals are reasonable to accept and marry him off immediately, without the need to look at other aspects.
From the hadith of Rosululloh arrange mariange of Zaenab bint jahsy with Zaid bin harithah, who is Zaenab? She is the daughter of the aunt of the Prophet Sallallahu ‘Alaihi wa Sallam, her mother named Umaimah bint Abdul Mutholib, while Zaid is a slave who the Prophet freed at the same time he took as an adopted child.
One of the companions named Bilal bin Robah’s married Abdur Rahman bin Auf’s sister.
When asked about the issue of seKufu, Aly’s friend also had this opinion, as did Umar RA’s friends, Ibn Masud, Muhammad bin Sirin, Umar bin Abdul Aziz, Ibnul Qoyyim Aljauziyyah.
2. Descent factor
So, in addition to having an excellent akhlak and religion, it is also seen in terms of descent. Those who think so are the Shafii and Hanafi madhab.
3.Social status (al markaz al ijtima’i). This is the opinion of ulama mutaakhirin, contemporary ulama.
Source: FIQH SUNNAH BY SAYYID SABIQ
HOW DO WE SOLVE THIS KUFU PROBLEM?
The discussion of the kufu problem needs to be remembered so that the bride and groom can reach the sakinah, mawadah, warohmah family. As usual, a person will be more comfortable and quickly adapt to people equal to him.
To make it easy to understand, here we will try to explain the character of the prospective bride (woman). If he is a quiet, shy, and introverted type, then this Kufu problem should really be considered.
Because after marriage, a wife will join her husband and interact more intensely with her husband’s family. It would not be straightforward if this person had to hang out and interact with people who had many differences.
She must be extra adaptable because happiness is comfort. Even in a well-off environment, if we are not comfortable, it isn’t easy to reach happiness.
It is different if the prospective bride (woman) is flexible, sociable, open, this Kufu problem should not be a problem because she will quickly adapt, interact with anyone in any environment.
Kufu problem is the right of the bride and her guardian, not the groom. Therefore, if the prospective groom wants to marry a woman who is not of this type, is not included in the discussion.
Because as usual, it is the man who will propose, before propose, of course, he has determined various things, in contrast to the woman who is the object, or the one who is being proposed.
As the Prophet Muhammad Sallallahu ‘Alaihi Wa Sallam married women who were not equal to him. Likewise, Umar Bin Khatab, married his son to an ordinary girl, a milk seller with a very famous story.
WHAT SKILL IS NEEDED?
After a person is married, he will have an added status, from being just a child to being a child, also a wife and mother.
Well, kitchen, bed problems are indeed the main thing. Well, maybe it’s not too much trouble, because there is already a washing machine, there are also many restaurants and food vendors.
But here I will mention a little about this kitchen business. Halal and thayyib are absolute requirements for the food of a Muslims as the word of Allah
“Kuluu fielardli halaalan thoyyiban”
So, in addition to guaranteed halalness, what we consume must also be thoyyib, the ingredients, nutrition, the combination all of that have to meet the criteria so that we eat with balanced nutrition.
Sometimes we are a bit strange, at home, we already eat carbohydrates, proteins, when we are going outside the house instead of buying fruit, we buying fried foods. That doesn’t mean you can’t buy fried food because it is trendy and very familiar on our tongue, we like it, it’s just that we have to try to be wiser in buying food to achieve balanced nutrition.
Especially milk is very much needed, especially for women, especially those who often give birth, because women who often get pregnant and give birth if the baby doesn’t have enough calcium will eat away at the mother’s calcium.
That’s why we often find women complaining about back pain, teeth. There is even a case of a Muslim sister every time she gets pregnant and gives birth to one tooth that falls out. You can imagine if she has five children, it means that five teeth are missing.
No less critical is simple skills (meaning not too grandiose in the sense of the word having to attend a lot of seminars, but being active and proactive, always asking questions and consulting competent people whenever the opportunity arises)
Because each child is unique, the art of teaching and educating children has a different character from one child to another. Of course, a mother must understand it and try to handle various methods according to each child’s personality.
Also, health knowledge about minor illnesses, how to treat and preventive measures, first aid kit such as a child scratched by a knife, nails, a child falls, etc.
It is not uncommon for a Muslim sister who already has children to be uproar and confused when her child got an accident. Instead of taking immediate action, have you ever found someone like that? Or have you experienced it?
Ideally, there should be health lessons for final grade students to know when they get married and become a mother.
I used to have health lessons at the final grade boarding school taught by the ustadz doctor. He is an alumnus of a boarding school and also has a medical certificate.
I learn about pregnancy, minor ailments, or at least occasionally health education.
Because a mother is a madrasa for her child, her attitude, actions, speech must always be when talking carefully. From the mother, a child will absorb whatever it is, good or bad, before he absorbs it from his environment, be it his teacher or friend.
If you want a great child, then you have to be a great mother. If you want a patient child, then you must be patient too.
“FAAQIDUSY SYAI LAA YU’THIIH”.
A person who does not have it is impossible to give. A mother with a very short temper will find it very difficult to give birth to a very patient child. So what? Ibda bin nafsi. From now on, let’s improve ourselves so that a generation of khoiru ummah will be born. -aamin